If You Hear Me by Jenn LeBlanc

Author:Jenn LeBlanc [LeBlanc, Jenn]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Jenn LeBlanc
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

Meli

His hands are on me, his finger smoothing across the crest of my cheek, and I feel the tear only as my skin chills when it evaporates.

His breathing stops, his hand frozen in place. I open my eyes to find him searching mine as though looking for verification of the truth of it all. Or perhaps for something to say.

What do you say to a pronouncement like that? As a woman, the thought has never crossed my mind. I’d know about any baby that I’d birthed and if I didn’t, there were much bigger issues at hand.

But as a man? Accidents happen. Do they wonder? Do they think about this very situation and run scenarios? Do they prepare statements ahead of time for just such a case? I think that’s what I’d do. It’s something I do actually do for random situations, but not for this, of course. Because I didn’t even realize those words were going to come out until they did.

I watch his face, emotions crossing his features like the sun and storms as though he has to live this entire pregnancy and life before he can reconcile the death of his child. His child.

My chest tightens and I lean over, hiding my face in my hands and breaking the contact with him as I turn away, because right now this all feels like it was yesterday and not ten years ago. Watching his reactions skins me raw to the bone.

“Camellia,” he says but doesn’t follow up with anything. Then he stands and walks to the windows and stares out at the fading sun—which will turn a fiery red at any moment—his hands in his pockets.

I feel like I’m going to vibrate right out of my skin if he doesn’t say something. Anything.

“Is that why you left?”

I nod, because it seems like my chest is only prepared to make unholy noises should I try to open my mouth, but then I realize he can’t see me nod. I stand on legs as shaky as they were that day and try not to fall as I walk to him.

Shoulder to shoulder, I nod again, and his face dips as his chin tilts toward mine just the smallest amount—but he doesn’t look at me.

We stand together, the sky changing for us, the dance of color warming my skin at the same time a small breeze kicks up and cools me. The curtains around us billow, catching the fire from the sky. Slowly it all fades and we’re left staring out into the purple twilight.

I feel like I’ve fallen asleep, just standing there and not moving, not talking, not doing anything beyond surviving. Then his hand skims down my back, his fingers resting at the base of my spine. Then he pushes just a little, turning me toward him until we’re nose to nose.

“Tell me her name again.”

“Isabeau Maire-Louise,” I say and I choke on her name, like I always do. It’s just so very hard to say it, so I clear my throat and try again.

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